Question: My girlfriend and I have had sex with each other in the past, but recently we realized it's wrong to have sex until marriage. The thing is, we have both had sex in other dating relationships, too. She seems to be handling it OK, but I am really bothered when I think about her not being a virgin. It gets even worse when I hear sermons that tell me sex is a bond that can never be broken. I really do love her, and don't want to see her hurt, but I can't stop thinking about her past. I know it's a double standard because I used to be even more sexually active than she was. But I can't help how I feel. I guess I've experienced first-hand why God says don't have sex until marriage: it really messes things up. Can you offer me some advice?
ans: Before I offer you any advice, I want to applaud your decision. You've made a good choice. Here's why I think you're struggling: Your situation is kind of like a smoker who has quit, but who still longs for cigarettes, resents smokers who haven't quit, and has the effects of nicotine still working on his body. You've made the decision to stop having sex until you commit to marriage, but you're still dealing with the "residue" of your earlier choices.
What do you do? First, accept that you have to be patient. As you say, you can't help how you feel, even if those feelings are irrational. Feelings change, though. If you can carry on a healthy, positive relationship with your girlfriend, the feelings will gradually change.
In the meantime, here's some advice from the Bible on how to treat one another: "Love each other as brothers and sisters and honor others more than you do yourself Never give up. Eagerly follow the Holy Spirit and serve the Lord. Let your hope make you glad. Be patient in time of trouble and never stop praying."
Building a healthy relationship means keeping sex under control.
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